found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
