1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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