I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
