a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he was CRYING into my vagina
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
