do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
