He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
