Your face is a jimmy john
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
