I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
