My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
