Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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