i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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