Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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