Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
