I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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