Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
