Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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