you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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