i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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