i think my tv is drunk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
