I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
