wakey wakey hands off snakey
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
