I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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