I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
