I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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