Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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