i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
