We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
