I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
