eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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