I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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