Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize