I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
