apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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