He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
