i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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