I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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