Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
