Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
