I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
