You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
