Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
