there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
