I looked at my own cervix.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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