Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
