the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
