Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
