I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
