Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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