We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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