it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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