but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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