Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
