I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
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I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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