we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
and she was petting her beer can
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
