Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
