tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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