am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
