I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
