Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
