tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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