she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
