I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
