honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
