Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
