I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
