I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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