I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
